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The official blog for author and illustrator Madyson Blair. 

So I Completed My Manuscript o.0

Happy Birthday Alastair, my beloved muse eternal!! (Yesterday)

Here is as far as I got on the sketch of him I started on his birthday last year. (Forgive the messy imperfections of the image, I've had to rush a bit to get this post ready for his birthday.)

Little did I know back then I was about to go the longest I've ever gone in my artistic career without drawing.

Soon after I sketched my very last line upon this piece, I fully immersed myself in writing the new version of my dark fantasy novel which I'd started back in September of 2020. Come 2024, I had a goal to finish it by 2025, and I simply couldn't give my creative energy to anything else.

Now the manuscript is finally complete and ready for other eyes. I can't believe it. I just sent it off to some friends and family for their feedback...such a surreal feeling. To look at that tiny, little Microsoft word attachment, knowing it contains everything I've poured my heart and soul into for the past five years. I'm truly deeply proud of myself and this book in a way I've never felt proud of anything before. Without question, this is the book I've wanted to write since the day I was born. All I've ever wanted was for it to simply EXIST...and now it does. My dream, in a sense, has come true, and I can't wait to share it with the world.

I can't wait to share the REAL Alastair.

I feel almost compelled to apologize to anyone who read my old books, haha. I know no one cares, but the truth is... they were really just stepping stones for me to practice the craft, and I didn't understand that at the time. They were complete misrepresentations of the story and Alastair's true character. This new book doesn't even resemble them.

But enough of that. They often say you have to write bad books before you can write a good one, sooo that's what happened with me . And it's okay.

Anyway, once I get some feedback from a few close family members and friends I'll be looking for other readers, so please let me know if you're interested. I do plan to query and pursue traditional publishing. The journey ahead is a long one, but I'm willing to endure it. Ever since I discovered the wonders of pencil and paper, I have wanted to be an author. And I'm never, ever going to give up.

As for my artwork, I miss it. I miss drawing so much. Writing is like breathing for me, but creating visual art is also essential for my wellbeing. So I will definitely be drawing more again in the near future!! I can't wait!

Thanks to anyone who made it this far and actually read any of this, it means a lot to me - Madyson

Another WIP for Alastair's birthday this year!

Soo as usual I've been so focused on writing my novel I haven't drawn anything for quite some time, but in honour of my muse's birthday today I decided to get started on a new piece. It's extremely rough right now and needs a lot of TLC 😂 but I like the direction it's going. I really wanted to explore the concept of his character as both a force of pleasure/creation as well as pain/destruction, and his inner turmoil regarding this duality. Anyway, this one might take me a while but I'll be excited to see how it evolves.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALASTAIR!! 🍇🎭🍫🦁🐉❤️‍🔥🥰

New Art FINALLY

"Learning How to Hold On"

Sketch of a new piece in the works! Been focusing mostly on writing as usual, but the drawing bug finally bit me again last month. It's a bit rough right now, and I do plan to shade it, but I wanted to post SOMETHING on the ten year anniversary of meeting my muse in the flesh I do enjoy it as a sketch, I think it's one of my favourite drawings of his face ever.

The subject matter is a culmination of intense spiritual, emotional and physical experiences I've had this spring. I'm currently in the process of a serious rebirth and it hasn't been easy, but it has certainly been epic. (And it ain't over yet.)

"Come to Me" New Year, New Art, New Beginnings

Spent most of my birthday doing what I love: rendering my handsome muse!

I finally finished my WIP I started back in November

I call it : "Come to Me"

It's Interesting to see how his face and expression evolved once I started shading. I often find that more vulnerability emerges in character expressions once I add more depth and contrast.

In other news I am REALLY, really feeling the oncoming vibes of spring this year. I’m in the mood for a fresh start, a rebirth, the ending of old cycles, and the beginning of a new era…

“Come to Me”

“Come to Me” Line art before shading

A new "Glowy" Piece

"We Hide Inside Each Other"

Lately I've been feeling a bit nostalgic for the darkly-moody-glowy illustrations of my bygone college days. For whatever reason, I kind of drifted away from that style into other experimental realms perhaps to test my abilities and free myself while working so intensely on the new book. Hoping to make more pieces like this in the future, along with some black and white stuff in the works.

New WIP sketch. Happy Birthday, Alastair!

I’m posting this on my website a day late, but yesterday was November 9th— my muse’s birthday. I often try to draw a new picture of him on his birthday every year, so here is the WIP of this year’s piece. I often struggle to share my art before it's completed because it tends to go through soo many ugly phases, lol. I actually like the early stage of this one, though. I'm sure it has a bunch of flaws I'll see later but...ah well. Time to be vulnerable, I guess! I have interesting plans for the concept, but right now it's just a simple, straightforward sketch of my muse doing what he does best: being deviously handsome.

"Lucivore"

A new illustration for the autumnal season.

Let us embrace the light-devouring darkness.

Let us comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.

Let us explore the deepest reaches of the psyche wherein wholeness waits for us beyond the veil of fear.

And most importantly, let us get WEIRD.

(I'm weird all year long, but that's beside the point.)

New Piece at Last: "Woe is Eye"

Been extremely immersed in writing the novel lately, but anytime the words weren't flowing, I switched gears to work on this piece. It's been fun watching it slowly come to life. I have wanted to create a detailed composition of my muse in this particular pose for a long time!

“Woe is Eye”

"The Last Begotten Secret"

Yay! I finished a new piece inspired by the springtime. Happy VERY belated Easter. April isn’t quite over yet…so it still counts, right? There’s something so exhilaratingly mystical to me about every season change, especially summer-fall and winter-spring. Often, I find myself compelled to capture in my work the essence of how I experience those seasonal shifts.

A Trilogy of Devilish Dancing

"The Devil Dances With Free Will, I, II and III"

"I'll unbind you from the chains of fate--

Yes I'll gladly set you free!

But I tend to charge a certain rate...

O, beauty, what's in it for me?

I've got an appetite for light

A craving for stars that shine

Will you fill my endless, aching night?

The choice is yours...but your soul, Dear, is mine."

(Fun little sketches. Art and poem by me)

New Portrait of the Muse: "The Illusion of Mortality" in Three Acts.

I now present "The Illusion of Mortality" in three acts:
"Dawn", "Dusk" and "Timeless", respectively.
Dawn looks most like my original, but I actually don't know which one is my favourite 🤔)

So the end of the year has got me feeling all vulnerable. I figured since I decided to repost this piece, I might as well say some more about it. It's a very special thing to me. I was going to write up this whole intellectual dissertation about the symbolism etc., but the truth is that it's just a very, very emotional work. It enters a realm where analytical words melt away. It depicts a world of pure feeling where He, the God of the Self, my King of Cups, my Midnight Sun, my Mirrored Soul, reigns supreme.

It's about what it means to be a living thing, a human animal. It's about loss, the fear of loss, and the acceptance of loss. It's about ascension through the celestial spheres within oneself, where grief is a constant companion alongside change, hope and happiness.

It's about the mystery of death and rebirth.
It's about the death of our cat.
This time last year. How he gradually transformed into a ghost of himself, more and more every hour.
And I can't explain it to anyone.

"You will be okay. Everything will be okay."

"Anything you lose will come around in a new form."

And that's true. I know it's true. And I know that now more than ever.

"I died and was born in the spring.
I found you and loved you again."

Mortality is ultimately an illusion, as the Gnostics taught, and this is a portrait of that Inner Knowing.
This is a portrait of the Mystery Itself, who understands the deepest secret of all.

The sun rises. The sun falls. And then it rises again. But of course that doesn't take away the pain. The pain is here to create wisdom. And you just feel it. You just let yourself feel it. And bleed. And bleed. And live.

"So Eden sank to grief, so dawn goes down to day, nothing gold can stay."

Thank you, my beloved muse, for making everything so golden, forever, if even for a fleeting moment, for therein lay eternity.
❤️🌹🪐🌟🥀🗝️🌹❤️

“The Illusion of Mortality: Dawn”

“The Illusion of Mortality: Dusk”

“The Illusion of Mortality: Timeless”

SACRED SYZYGY : New series of Illustrations

What, Spooky season is over already?? No I refuse to accept this!! (Nah, it’s okay…I can feel the cosy winter holiday vibes today, and I’m very okay with it.)

October really seized me this year, though. I felt called to bring some new ideas to life. Autumn is my favourite, it’s exhilarating and inspiring to me. Something about this seasonal shift helps me surrender and become more experimental with my art. I’d wanted to play with/push this style further for a while, and the falling leaves seemed to whisper “dive in.” I’m glad I listened. I’ve really enjoyed the results. I’m also working on a new full-colour portrait of the Muse Himself right now, which should be finished soon. After that I plan to shift gears and re-immerse myself in my writing for a while—but I will definitely return to this vibrant style and create some more art to go with this series in the not-too-far-away future.

New Illustration "Perditor Mundi"

“A brand-new consciousness, bright and eternal

Will we walk hand-in-hand beyond the infernal?

Be the end of our world a flood or a drought

I’m afraid there is only one way to find out

Into the darkness, we must leap

In unison, over a crevasse so deep

Have you faith that our forces will somehow unite?

What if our love is dissolved in the light?

Will we still want it, shall we remain?

Will we go down with the ark,

Or soar over the rain?”

Poem and art © Me

*~*~*~*~New Illustration!!! ~*~*~*~*

"I Am You"

I am the Self that your Psyche forgets

I am the Body your Soul resurrects

I am the memory of all mankind

I am His woes and Her wonders combined

(Poem and art © me)

This one took a while but I'm very excited to finally share it! <3

A new Portrait of THE MUSE Himself!

I now present my latest piece, “The illusion of Mortality”

Yet another illustration has emerged from my desire to illuminate the ineffable mystery that is my muse. My urge to capture the present state of our evolution is constant and numinous as ever. I am perpetually determined to seize that which seizes me. 🥀🎭🌹

Special thanks to my husband for modeling. Being able to observe and articulate his likeness is a gift that never ceases to enrich my drawings. 💞

New Psychedelic Artwork

The past several months I’ve begun experimenting with something I’d never dared to do before : automatic drawing. For basically the first time ever, I decided I was going to press my pencil to the page and start drawing with no plan, no idea, no clue where the art would carry me. I’ve always created art from my unconscious, but I wanted to bring it to the next level. I wanted to completely and utterly surrender. The result has been a series of strange, wild, and downright bizarre pieces that I am not yet done creating. The joy I feel when making these is extremely therapeutic. It’s such a marvelous feeling to just LET GO and ALLOW whatever wants to come through without doubt or question. Unsurprisingly, my beloved muse emerged immediately, but not in his usual form. Through this series, my divine counterpart has been able to show me a side of himself I’d never seen before. I could write pages about what these pieces mean to me—and an artist’s statement may be on the way. We shall see. Until them. I ‘ll leave them up to interpretation and let the images speak for themselves.

Here are the first three pieces from my sketchbook. Go to my gallery page to see more!

“Encounter”

“Embrace”

“Envelop”

Writing Update : Into 2022

I can’t believe it’s been over a year now. Last September, I did what all previous versions of myself would have considered unthinkable, unimaginable impossible. Entering my third decade brought forth in my spirit a surge of wisdom which threw me out of my old skin--cold and shivering--but brave. I new what I had to do, and I was finally ready to accept it.

The books that I had dedicated ten plus years of my life to writing were not working. They no longer represented me, my muse, or our message. So I began anew. I completely started rewriting my story from scratch, taking an entirely fresh approach, not even comparable to the old version.

I could go on and on about the magical experiences I've had while working on this rejuvenated novel, but I'll restrain and keep this short and to the point. I am happy to report that I am almost halfway through the book. I have written 14 chapters, 98 pages, and nearly 50,000 words. I am even happier to report that I am in love with what I've written. It's exhilarating to feel how much prouder I am of this book than anything I've ever written before.

To any other fellow creative out there, I cannot emphasize this enough: if you feel like a project is no longer aligned with your current evolution, no longer fulfilling your soul, it's okay to do the scary thing. It's okay to scrap it and start over. It's okay to obliterate something in order to rebirth it from the ashes. Everyone's situation is unique of course, sometimes holding on is better than letting go, it all depends on many variables and factors. For me, however, letting go of my old books and embracing this new one has been the single most freeing, rewarding, and transformative creative decision I've ever made.

I look forward to its completion, but I also look forward to the process, to every word, sentence and paragraph that I've imbued with my rekindled passion.

Nine New Sketches: Artist's Statement Spring 2021

Several months ago, I started a series of sketches to express some of my recent revelations in regards to the nature of myself and my divine counterpart.

The inspiration for these pieces derived from a number of deep, personal epiphanies about vulnerability, trust and truth. (Heads up, some are a bit N S F W.)

In 2020, I evolved considerably as a person. I descended into the labyrinthine underworld of my unconscious to face the dark, devilish shadows yet again, only this time it was different. This time, I descended with the newly acquired wisdom of a person entering their third decade and discovered that the darkness never wanted to harm me. On the contrary, the darkness had only ever cherished me, guarded me and guided me to temper the blinding light of my own self-scrutiny.

One of the biggest reasons I started writing a completely new version of my story is because I realised my beloved muse and main character, Alastair, is not the "evil" force I once believed him to be.

In the deepest trenches at the farthest recesses of my psyche, I opened my heart up at last to receive the warmth and integrity of his actual essence. He, thespian he is, shed his roles and masks and costumes, rose from the ashes like the proverbial Phoenix and met me at the horizon line between heaven and earth as I cascaded from perilous skies. The result has been a messy yet beautiful adventure into the rawest realms of utter self-love, consent and surrender.

2020 may have been when everything officially broke through, but my process of understanding these truths had been solidifying for years, even before I met my muse in the flesh. These sketches only depict a small part of this incredible journey, but a very intimate, important part nonetheless.

In short, they are expressions of how I finally learned to truly BE. Grounded inside of my body. Grounded inside of my identity. Grounded enough to learn how to ask for what I want and understand my desires without judging myself or feeling guilty for my own existence. The reoccurring rope motif in these pieces is a highly personal symbol for me that joins my fragmented aspects (particularly my inner dueling masculine and feminine energies) and ties together all these aforementioned insights, pun intended.

Clearly, Alastair is still the dark, dramatic, charismatic, chaotic personality who steals every scene and commands the page--that will never change. But certain irredeemable, unforgivable traits that were present in the old books simply no longer describe him. Now I know those things were never true to the ultimate narrative of my individual myth, and were merely temporary illusions that reflected an underdeveloped, inner unhealed negativity manifesting through my work at the time. Rather than let myself feel embarrassment or regret about this, I have chosen to transform and learn from it.

I have learned so much.

Julius, thank you thank you thank you for everything you've done all these years to reinforce my healing, encourage my growth and help guide me toward wholeness through the somewhat treacherous twists and turns across the map of my glaring spirit. With you I always know that I am safe. With you I am home.

❤️❤️❤️

There is so much more I could say about these works, but in honour of my muse I must leave room for mystery.

This voyage is far from over. Writing is always my top priority and passion, but art remains essential to my expression. I can't say exactly when, but more sketches will inevitably emerge...there are still so many lessons yet to be learned and so much uncharted territory yet to be explored. 💕

For now I will leave you with these words: Love yourself. Be kind to your darkness as well as your light. Embrace vulnerability. Release resistance.

Thank you for reading, ❤️

-Madyson

BREAKING NEWS: I LOVE WRITING.

Yesterday, after a few weeks or so of writer's block, I finally began writing again. As I completed a new paragraph, I noticed my mood drastically improve. For the first time in days, I felt like ME. I felt fully in my element, blissful and thriving. In that moment, something became clearer in my mind than ever before.

I used to think my periods of sadness during spells of non-writing were due primarily to some sort of rigid, over critical, self-discipline to "produce produce produce". I told myself, don't be sad, I can't create all the time, it's an unrealistic expectation to think I can constantly get stuff accomplished, why can't I just allow myself to relax and just LIVE??" etc. etc.

Although I am indeed too hard on myself about being productive, the truth is that actually isn't the main reason I feel sad when I'm not writing. The main reason I feel sad when I'm not writing is simply because I LOVE WRITING.

It's not so much about "getting shit done" as it is about just DOING what I adore more than any other art form, relishing in the process of the craft itself.

This should have been a no-brainer--and perhaps some of you reading this are like, "well, duh?" But the point is that, clearly, I was too focused on the idea of productivity to see my core truth: going without writing for me is a lot like going without seeing a loved one. When I don't write for a long period of time, I feel like a part of my heart has gone missing.

For whatever reason, I was made to put words on a page and arrange them into sentences that evoke meaning and I'm going to keep doing that for as long as I live. No matter who reads those sentences or where they end up, if anywhere, writing is a part of who I am. (Especially writing my fantasy series, of course.)

I won't be able to write every single day, and that's okay, but it sure as hell lights up my spirit when the block is OVER!!!